Sunday, August 9, 2009

Real LIfe in Italy; the TRUE Story; Part II

You would think that with a broken foot
in a hill town in Italy I could manage to get back to posting
but somehow I have managed to stay busy and never get back.
So to recap the second part of the adventure of our first few days in Italy
So after find our car in Culo a Cristo and giving permission to send it to Macchina
Heaven, we set about on the second adventure of the day:

The Ospedale!

As you may remember, my foot was very broken upon my arrival in Italy,
and in my typical fashion,  I just kept going up and down these vertical inclines
of Cortona, complete with boot and crutches.

After a few days of this nonsense, I was getting a bit alarmed that my foot was hurting and swelling. (wouldn't you if you were a broken foot and your owner kept charging up and down the hills of Cortona?)
I thought I could get some peace of mind by sending a photo and an email to my doctor in Portland describing my symptoms, and she would tell me:
No worries, you are fine!
No such luck.
She responded by saying:
You might want to have that foot looked at.
Having someone "look at it" in Italy, requires extreme stamina and fortitude,
for that means entering the Italian Ospedale or Hospital.

Denys, our EVERYTHING person, transported us there and began the procedure of navigating
Ospedale Beauracracy.

After getting shuffled around to different admitting stations
we settled in for the wait.

Denyse yaks on her cell phone which is constantly ringing and Rob
pretends he knows Italian by perusing the Italian newspaper.
I instead, am becoming more anxious,as I watch the various doctors scurry by... I wonder what will be the outcome of this adventure to the Ospedale.
Did I really screw something up by charging up and down that Cortona
Will I god forbid, have to have surgery in this place?
Have the bone reset?
Oh here it is:
Senora Friedman!
They are calling my number!
Here we go, wheeeeeeeeeee!
We enter the exam room.
But wait, who is this Dottore?
Oh phew, he's nobody. He wasn't MY dottore.
Here is the real Dottore!
And he has my xrays.
And what do you think the verdict will be?

Senora, you absolutely can NOT leave your house to run up and down
the mountain of CORTONA
You must stay OFF your foot, keep it in the boot always, and never,
EVER walk without the crutches.
You will run the risk of displacing the bone.
Your xrays are fine, but you MUST do as I say!

Oh dear, this is good news but Denyse, how will I ever manage to go shopping?

No problema Stacey, I will drive you everywhere!
And so it goes, another day in the Friedman Dolce Vita Real Life Italy..
But wait!!! 
There was a problem with the xrays!
Another dottore has just arrived to give a second opinion!
It is that same dottore I saw lurking around before!

Senora, we highly advise that 
you do not shop at all!
The debit you incur in your Italian bank account will only 
run the risk of dislocating the osso (bone) 
Complete bed rest is imperative, with absolutely NO shopping expeditions!

Your might also want to take a look at all those utility bills and silly bank statements
that have accumulated this past year 
that your husband is unable to read due to his  faulty command of the language...
This would BE VERY theraputic and aid your foot tremendously in its healing...

that %#@!*% dottore!
Che stronzo! 
(what an a____hole!) 
Allright Allright, I'll stay off my feet!


Chu said...


Chu said...

miss you stacey


Anonymous said...

Dr. Friedman is always correct! No Shopping until 2010!!

jennie k. said...

HAHAHAHA you are so hilarious! and ridiculous! i think i've said that before :)
and the nike outlet is so funny! how weird. now stay OFF THAT FOOT!! besides, you look so gorgeous lounging in that beautiful bed :)

Jane Rosemont said...

If you do disobey doctor's orders, though, I have a shopping list for you...